In the last article, I took a look at five players (statistics referenced as of the end of games 4/1/2019) that I would recommend not holding onto to long as the Major League Baseball season gets underway. After all, even the greenest of fantasy owner knows that you can’t win a league in April, but you can fall so far behind the pack that you are more likely to be eating crow come August than eating Steak (or cashing that PayPal money out of your cyber wallet) come the end of September. Here is the point – it is harder to leapfrog 10 or more teams over the course of a season’s final 75% of the campaign than it is to overcome a handful or two of frontrunners. That makes sense, right? Well then, go back and read the latest article and once you are done, c’mon back here for five players to jump on that the rest of your league may have given up on faster than an overeager prom night date bumbling and fumbling over that hidden strap beneath the date’s overpriced gown. Seriously, go on now…
Did you read it? Pinky swear?
Okay, good. Now that you realize that hanging on to outdated produce leads to fruit flies and not gourmet Waldorf salad, let’s examine the players that the other bosses in your league will be cursing themselves for cutting or trading before they were given a chance to actually bloom come late spring (see Matt Carpenter, circa 2018):
Lourdes Gurriel Jr., 2B/SS, Toronto Blue Jays – I don’t know that St. Vincent DePaul himself would give refuge to a guy starting off the year zero-for-15 at the dish with more 0’s and K’s than an overly aggressive ‘yes man’ on speed, but as others bail out on Yuli’s younger brother faster than a Boeing 737 MAX (sorry, too soon?) you should be there to scoop up the wreckage and get ready to reap the rewards of a wonderful, fiery Phoenix taking flight over the course of 2019.
Drew Pomeranz, SP, San Francisco Giants – Okay, I get it – this hurler has been as reliable as Dollar Tree hemorrhoid cream lately, but he looked good in spring training, has a pedigree of ability before the Green Monster got into his head and made him more of a nibbler than a five-year-old eating Brussel sprouts, and in his first start of 2019 he kept the Dodgers in check long enough for his (sorry, pathetic, disgraceful) team to get a win. If you need a cheap/free/available Starter, here’s your Huckleberry.
Tanner Roark, SP, Cincinnati Reds – How many of you married the sexiest, hottest babe out there? Show of hands, please….hmmmmmmm….like, none of us? Oh, that’s right, Jennifer Aniston and Kate Upton are taken, so does that mean we should just be single and be happy with being fantasy baseball owners? NO!!!! We still seek to thrive, and as a fantasy manager, Tanner Roark, though he wasn’t great in his 2019 debut, did show enough of his reliable self (career 3.60 ERA, 1.21 WHIP, 738 K’s in 939.1 IP) to at least make us happy we aren’t married to Cousin It.
Francisco Lindor, SS, Cleveland Indians – Chicken Little once warned the land that the sky was falling, and enough people believed her that they freaked out beyond belief and did more foolish things than a newlywed bride in Jamaica on her honeymoon. Don’t be that person (or that bride, please, no…please…). Yes, the ankle is balky and will require rest, but this superstar will be back and his baseball card will not be embarrassed to include his 2019 numbers when it’s all over. Trade for him, ‘cause unless you are playing in a league with enough imbeciles to guarantee your place in the money regardless of what you do or don’t do, Frankie won’t be available on waivers nor will he be downing Lemon Drops in Cabo the entire baseball season.
Matt Strahm, SP, San Diego Padres – Let me ask you a question, and please don’t lie like you did when you said you went back and read the previous article before continuing with this one. Okay? Good, thanks… So how many of you bought a Powerball ticket when the jackpot was like a gazillion bucks even though you knew you had as much a chance at winning as I do of growing hair and getting a phone call from Elle McPherson (dang you, restraining order…I had a shot…)? Strahm had a crappy first start against the D’backs but after the Snakes got wrecked at Chavez Ravine they were due to bust out against somebody, so give the kid another chance. It will pay off better than a discarded slip of paper in the gas station trash can, I promise.
Are there other potential gold nuggets out there on your waiver wire? Any other players that fidgety, nervous owners are willing to trade for a chance to secure saves from Brad Boxberger? Certainly! Dude (and Dudettes) watch the games, find out who is merely scuffling and is more than capable of breaking out and helping you win some cash rather than donating it to GodofFantasyTeam 186…for real, the bargains are out there. Best of luck, and if you don’t win some money come the end of the season, I hope at least that you are inspired to not give up on your dream of hearing back from Salma Hayek (or George Clooney…or both, I ain’t judging; live life!).
Questions? Comments? Hit me up via email at firstname.lastname@example.org, or on Facebook (search Michael Diton-Edwards)…I am not a fan of twitter and social media, so I am happy to converse via the tried and true landscape of email or Messenger. And for the people that have thrown shade my way for bashing the, ahem, esteemed J. Maddon, Esq. I will not respond with elementary school level comments but I will stick out my tongue as I head over to the tetherball pit for a quick game before recess is over and Mrs. Hrit reads us all a story about friendship.